you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
