Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
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