I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
