we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
