its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize