I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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