I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
