Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
