I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
