She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
