you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
