Princesses don't give blow jobs
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
