I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Holy shit dude........stairs
please don't ironically join a cult
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