shes about as inviting as chlamydia
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
