On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
