I am spending my child support on dildos
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize