I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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