I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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