she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
