I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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