Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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