her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
