He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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