I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Randomize
