and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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