Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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