remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
