ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
