His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Damn victory sex feels great
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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