My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
