that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Welp...herpes.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
