my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
