You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize
