That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We need to rekindle our bromance
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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