Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
