In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
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So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
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I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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