youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
