did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I understand Curling. That high.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
