Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
