I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
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If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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