see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
