I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
