So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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