Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Your cock deserves a montage
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
