I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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