Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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