I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
