There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
