i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
