Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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