you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
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There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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