there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
