Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
