be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.