so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in