idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.