bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
