Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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