yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
