Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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