my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
