I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So vagazzling was a success
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
