how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
