I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
