On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
