i just sold back the books i vomitted on
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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