Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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