i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
