Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
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Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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