My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
