I CAN MOONWALK!
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Found your dick twin last night
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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