i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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