Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize